What If?

I just watched that movie and it's got me thinking...

Well, first off, an update on my brother. I like how they were in a big rush to get married because she apparently had a job all lined up for her in the air force, and now they've told her that too many people are enlisting and there's no room for her so she's on hold right now. Good job.

Anyway, I was hoping you'd be on iChat tonight. But you weren't. I just want you to know that I haven't stopped thinking about you and I never have. I don't know what to do because I don't want to think about you, especially after the things you did to me while we were together, and the things you did to me while we weren't... I know it's not a big deal to you, but I wish you understood what a big deal it was to me. I know you will never understand why it hurt so much, and I'm just going to have to accept that. I'll never know why you would do those things to me, even after we said we wouldn't do that to each other.

I don't know, I guess I'm holding on for a lost cause, or no cause at all. I know you don't feel the things I do, and I'm just going to have to settle and move on with my life. It's tough, because even though you did what you did, I still want, in the worst way, to be with you. Does this make me a bad person? Perhaps, especially when the person I'm with would never do what you did. But I can't get you out of my head, and I can't decide if that's what I want or if it's pure irritation to a sane mind.

I hate feeling this way and I hate feeling NOTHING for anyone else. I'm planning a trip soon. I suspect I will see you. And a part of me hopes this song is playing when our eyes meet http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CPEBN2dVNUY&feature=artistob&playnext=1&list=TLYY8fbqxByro
or maybe this one http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6s0s_ZlwaOs&feature=autoplay&list=TLYY8fbqxByro&index=5&playnext=2