What If?

I just watched that movie and it's got me thinking...

Well, first off, an update on my brother. I like how they were in a big rush to get married because she apparently had a job all lined up for her in the air force, and now they've told her that too many people are enlisting and there's no room for her so she's on hold right now. Good job.

Anyway, I was hoping you'd be on iChat tonight. But you weren't. I just want you to know that I haven't stopped thinking about you and I never have. I don't know what to do because I don't want to think about you, especially after the things you did to me while we were together, and the things you did to me while we weren't... I know it's not a big deal to you, but I wish you understood what a big deal it was to me. I know you will never understand why it hurt so much, and I'm just going to have to accept that. I'll never know why you would do those things to me, even after we said we wouldn't do that to each other.

I don't know, I guess I'm holding on for a lost cause, or no cause at all. I know you don't feel the things I do, and I'm just going to have to settle and move on with my life. It's tough, because even though you did what you did, I still want, in the worst way, to be with you. Does this make me a bad person? Perhaps, especially when the person I'm with would never do what you did. But I can't get you out of my head, and I can't decide if that's what I want or if it's pure irritation to a sane mind.

I hate feeling this way and I hate feeling NOTHING for anyone else. I'm planning a trip soon. I suspect I will see you. And a part of me hopes this song is playing when our eyes meet http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CPEBN2dVNUY&feature=artistob&playnext=1&list=TLYY8fbqxByro
or maybe this one http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6s0s_ZlwaOs&feature=autoplay&list=TLYY8fbqxByro&index=5&playnext=2

What. The. Fuck.

My life is so fucked up right now, I don't even have words to describe it or what's going on right now.

Married.

Well, he did it. My brother, the idiot, got married yesterday in a courthouse in Texas. I have not yet congratulated him and my mom thinks it's bullshit that I haven't yet. Well, it could possibly be because I don't support his dumb ass. "Well, it's about unconditional love of your family." Yeah, I love my brother, but that still doesn't mean I have to support his dumb decision. "You're just jealous then." And Justin couldn't have put it any better when he said this:

I wish I could live in Texas with my in laws that I just met with rattle snakes all over the place and 5000 degree temperatures after marrying someone in a yeehaw courthouse somewhere that I just met like three days ago and only did so so I could live off the the government because I know I can't support myself.

Then my mom said, "At least he didn't elope in Vegas." No, mom, he didn't. He eloped in Texas.

Timeline of events.

Here is a timeline of events:

Sometime in 2008-2009: Zach meets Ashley.
Between meeting and January 2011: They hung out a few times when she came to visit people (supposedly).
January 2011: Zach goes to Texas with his bff and hangs out with her (his bff is also her brother).
March 2011: Zach decides to tell us they are getting married.
Later March 2011: They're getting married in a courthouse in Texas.
April 2011: Bridal shower the day before Easter.
June 2011: Wedding ceremony in Texas.

This is stupid. I don't want to stand up in the wedding and I don't want to help with the bridal shower. I don't know her. This is really creating some hostile feelings in me.

So much BS.

That's right. Bullshit. 100% bullshit.

What's wrong? you ask. Well, my brother decided to bring his NEW girlfriend (like a month tops) over a couple weeks ago for us to meet her. Then this last weekend occurred, in which he thought it was a fantastic idea to tell us that they're getting married in Texas next week when he goes down there.

His logic: We've technically been together for three years and I've seen her a few times. Like every time she came to visit, I would go on a break with Michelle.

Um, no you didn't, because I would have heard about them. AND get this. He got engaged to Michelle so that he could try and get over his feelings for Ashley. Tell me that's not stupid. Then he shouldn't have been with Michelle for almost two years. Sooo... yea someone explain this.

On top of that, they decided that even though they're getting married in a COURTHOUSE, they absolutely can't wait to have an actual ceremony in June. We are expected to all fly down to Texas for a SUNDAY ceremony. W. T. F.

It's really stressing everyone out.

Did I mention she's going into the Air Force and he won't be able to be with her for like four or five months for basic and AIT? And then if she gets deployed somewhere he can't go? Holy shit, this is a terrible idea.

To-Do List.

I did a couple things today, and it's only 11:45 in the morning. 1. Went back on Facebook because I'm tired of not keeping in touch with my friends; 2. Established going to wings with Lynn; 3. Established hanging out with Chelsea. It feels good to have some girlfriends back in my life.

Not really sure how much I like what Facebook has become since I left and came back. I don't know. Whatever. But I'm back there now, so good for me. It's like a weight has been lifted. I'm just starting to do the stuff I want to do. I'm tired of giving up things and not being happy. I'm glad I could get back on and be able to be in contact with my friends again.

Most pathetic website I've ever been to.

I Decided...

I decided it's been awhile since I posted last. I've been really involved in the Pokemon game Justin got me for Valentine's Day, as well as working a bunch and doing other things like fucking off and going out with friends.

I've been spending a lot of time with Chelsea from work. Good for me! A girlfriend! We went out with Shannon on Friday too, so that was a good time. I had a lot of fun.

I've got a huge problem with Dianna at work. What kind of problem would a hostess encounter? you may ask. She never listens to anything anyone says to her. Scenario: There were hibachi reservations on Saturday that had been made at least two days prior. Two groups of people walked in, one being someone I used to see and his new girlfriend and her two kids. But that's not really the point. Well, it is a little, since it contributed to Dianna's poor decision making, which is all her decision making. She decided that, because Nick and his girlfriend had kids, and that they had been waiting for over an hour (after they made reservations for 7:30 after they just walked in and made them), that they had to go at the first empty hibachi table, leaving one group that had made the reservations two days in advance to wait for the next available table. Not to mention she did this even after the floor manager said that was the wrong way to seat people. It's like, are you dumb? Can you use your brain? Do you know how? Apparently she smokes a lot of weed and takes a bunch of percocet and adderall. It's like, OK just do what you want. It was at this point I yelled at her in the middle of the full dining room and didn't help her out the rest of the night.

Anyway. My big dilemma at the moment is deciding if I need to eat this bag of chips I purchased.

Enjoy this illustration of how a unicorn is made:

Today... Not So Exciting.

Well this week is full of awesomeness and tests. Tests being the awesomeness in this scenario. I'm being sarcastic. I have a learning and conditioning test today (gag) and on Thursday I have a test on Hinduism and another in stats. Hooray, stats (vomit). I should be studying for psych. But... clearly, I am not.

Oh boo. I ate my lunch and now all I have left is yogurt and half a can of diet Pepsi. Disappointment at its finest. Not to mention today is Valentine's Day. I got Justin a card and a heart maze, because they came in a pack of six for a dollar. He finally got the rest of his Christmas present last weekend. Talk about delay - I ordered it in November. I also may have stated this in an earlier entry. Today also marks a year since I've been to Winona. I never want to remember that day - well, night - again. What a terrible day it was last year. I spent most of it crying.

I got a parking ticket today. I couldn't find a single quarter in my car, but I was able to find a bunch of pennies, which the meters don't accept, and a dead bee.

I don't have any news links for you to enjoy today. I want to see C-Lo's Grammy performance, but the Grammy's have blocked youtube content. Le sigh.

Another Day.

It's another day. There is some good news, though. I got my first ever score that was higher than a D on anything from stats. Yay me! I like this professor. He goes slow, gives hints, and waits until everyone understands it. Not to mention, we don't have to memorize any formulas. I think that was my downfall the last couple times. I could only remember one formula, so I used that formula for everything. You laugh, but I am not joking. Actually, laughing is ok, because I laughed too.

I'm really crossing my fingers for that marketing internship. I thought the interview went well. We laughed, chatted - it wasn't really an interview as much as it was a conversation. The girl that came out before me didn't look like she had brought any work to show, and they weren't talking when they came out, like we were. I'm really really hoping for this. So everyone else, cross your fingers too!

I started working out again today. I need to start eating better too. Seafood is on sale at a store near me, and since my mom is also interested in getting her and my dad to eat better, maybe I can talk them into some tuna steaks tonight.

Justin has an interview tomorrow for a better job with better hours, so I hope he gets that too.

Apparently my marketing class schedule has been pushed back, so I don't have a reading quit until the 17th. Those things are such jokes. They're online, open book, and you get two attempts. I'm not complaining. I'm doing well so far this semester, so I'm really optimistic about everything. That's right, for the first time since I transferred to UW-Whitewater, I am optimistic about school. Maybe it's because I'm winding down and only have one class in the fall. Yea, that's probably it. It's that last little push. I need it - it's fueling me to just gtfo and do real world stuff. Like a real life job and a real life relationship with pets together and marriage and kids and our own business on the side, and moving to the south and opening a pub that serves Friday fish fries to a culture (for lack of a better word) that doesn't know wtf a good old northern fish fry is.

Stuff:
Mario has had almost as many jobs as me.
An asteroid headed for earth?
College alternatives. Why didn't anyone tell me about this?
Ice volcanoes.
Baseball and Bueller.
Olivia Wilde (only because Justin likes her).
Rescue your food!

I also found this humorous.

Snow

Sooo... Just trying to figure out why school isn't closed today. There are cars in ditches and I was sliding around and having snow blown at my car from drifts and not being able to get up hills very well. So I drove ten minutes, decided it sucked, and came home. F that, I'm not going in a ditch to get to school.